"still compared with those a stone's throw away from here, our lives have both been relatively easy"
I am living in a borrowed house, on borrowed time. Sound familiar? See This Is Something, August 2007. Then I was 24, preparing to go live in eastern europe. I listened to Smashing Pumpkins. Went to the beach and the waitressing job that I hoodwinked my way into. Now, I am preparing to leave this house I've lived in the past 2.5 years, because my man of 3.5 years comes to the epiphany, at the last minute, that he doesn't want to marry me. With the ring in my hand; he ducks out.
Love is a hound from hell, charles bukowski? Nah. Moving is a hound from hell. Nursing school is a hound from hell. Love should be relatively easy.
Screw this house, and the crappy ass road we live on. Screw this street, and the asshole with pittbulls who have prevented me from walking further down the lane. Screw his rebound relationship, and his "I never promised you anything, did I?"
I feel like today I poured ice cream into my patients. I can't fix your burning neck or broken back, I don't have control of the pain meds - but please. Take some ice cream and a sprite. Let me give you an ice pack and hold your hand, and change your sheets when you sweat. Let's get you comfortable.
During this god-awful breakup, sometimes I'm thankful for my job. I get a lot of human connection in the hospital, and I wonder, as a nursing student and NA, how doctors do it...they get all the power but none of the humanity. For doctors visiting our floor, it must seem like a bee hive of activity, running towards call lights, running to bed alarms, dashing off to give prn pain meds (unscheduled) and handling patients whose bodies are giving out on them in insulting, surprising, or painful ways.
Today, a visiting doctor was standing up near our secretary's desk when a loud, jangling alarm went off. I caught the eye of the nurse next to me and I knew that I was echoing her expression: head tilted, focused. We were both listening intently: "Is that a code blue? a chair alarm? The emergency "RED PHONE" going off? Where do we need to be RIGHT NOW?"
The doctor, gray haired and distinguished, grabbed his pocket. "it's my pager." he said dismissively, and walked away. I faced the nurse next to him and said, "he doesn't understand, does he? Our work lives are utterly controlled by noises like that."
1. Jason Isbell :-) <3
ReplyDelete2. "it's like Niagara falls in my pants" ~ Treehouse Masters guy, while wearing leaky waders. One of his carpenters is a hottie, a ginger named Alex with a beard who wears his long hair in a knob like a samurai. Yo lo quiero. Also on the same channel, later there are kitten shows.
3. rebound relationship?? fvck him.
4. Pour ice cream into me, please, and PRN pain meds. I am going to the Pitt St Pharmacy to get a special "compounded" Rx for my bum.
5. A job where you are controlled by noises would stress me out. I would scream every time a bell went off. Or salivate, like Pavlov's dog.
6. I love you.
1.I meant that our whole flippin relationship is a rebound for him, considering he asked me out all of maybe a week after his ex-wife moved out? yeah. lesson learned.
ReplyDelete2.cool about the compound! Tell me more about it later
3.I love you too.
ohhh I see. I thought he was rebounding with someone else, which would be insane.
ReplyDeleteP.S. do you like how I now put videos all over my blog
chair alarm?
ReplyDeletehttp://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/The+Door+is+Alarmed.+Not+OC_6688b2_4690838.jpg